There is a Blog God ....Passion v Profession

Family,

I was trying to post that player in a sidebar not in the body of the blog. "Gigya" said it would be a sidebar, but it wasn't.

I have had lots to share, but not enough focus to sit and share. Time is always a problem, but I am going to change the way i look at it. If I ever do meet mother or father time, we are going to have a talk about why they are soooooooooo unforgiving.

I will say this...

Yesterday when I dropped my son off late for school, the crossing guard who was getting in her car to leave was still around. I talk about her on Facebook because I believe God's Abiding Love rest with her. It is therefore critical for me to see her every day and get the hug and the "I Love You Darlin' " that my beloved mother and grandmothers are no longer here to provide.

Shortly after connecting with her I saw a former student from teaching Adult School at Crenshaw High School. I asked him what he was up to these days. Despite my urgings for him to get it together, he did not demonstrate promise. He is now studying some entry form of Nursing in the Vocational Curriculum of another Adult School. I admonished him to get to college and try 4 year college nursing school. I think greatness is in all of my students and I push, poke and prod them hoping they will rise to the occasion or at least give it some thought...

He knew my name, but I could not remember his. I hate that about teaching and aging. I feel like a Rockstar in the moment because I see students everywhere (grocery store, traffic and Target) and they yell at me and chat me down and I cannot always remember their names. They know mine which is what makes me feel like a rockstar, but after not interacting for a year and despite the love in my heart for these young people I just can't remember all of their names.

The rockstar thing is great because I deal with some profound self worth issues and between running into students and breaking bread with "Mama Crossing Guard" I am lifted just enough to make it to work where I begin dealing with another round of self worth concerns. I believe I hold onto these self worth issues because I am a Swan who has to have a song whether it is blues, jazz or uptempo R&B.

I am a full time teacher who loves instructing mathematics, but have no love for classroom management which sadly is more critical than instruction. That said everyday that I go to work I'd simply rather do something else. I'd rather sell T-Shirts at the corner of Crenshaw and Slauson (or Crenshaw and 57th), because up to and since November 4th it has been big business. I believe I am suffering some post election world don't-have-to-campaign-no-more blues. I am now forced to deal with my own realities, lesson plans and grading papers.

I recently read Shavar Ross' blog about being a Jack of all trades and master of none. It hit so close to home that I still have a black eye. I actually saw this fate coming while I was in college, but felt powerless to stop it. I am blessed for the folks around me who love me, listen, console and admonish me out of LOVE and support for my crafts, but also out of the belief that I will "get it together". (Shout out to Leslie Boissiere)

I am just not sure that I can get it together. Does anybody else have this problem? I have the determination, but the will falls short. I gmail chatted with Shavar about this blog because we both aspire to write, produce and direct films. He however after a life in front of the camera as a wonderful actor Shavar has decided to go back and get his BS or BA.

I have a BS, but would like an MFA or an MA. I am as Leslie knows torn between the life that it takes to raise a son alone, the time, the money and the resources to go to Graduate school. I had taken it off the table, but rolling admissions and the desire to remain gainfully employed at the current establishment have put it back on the table. It has returned because the MA that is tied to Profession impacts the very near future (next school year).

The MFA which is tied to Passion requires one that I get accepted to a desired school. Acceptance requires a competitive GRE score, a competitive undergraduate GPA and a compelling story. I have the compelling story and one out of three did not work with a school I won't name here. I however press. I believe a real GRE prep course and work on the compelling story could would put me on the right track. I am headed for that track.

The tug of war between Passion and Profession rages on. I am sure many deal with it daily. I just find it often renders me fearful and immobile. As I have said I would daily rather be doing something else. Something besides catching up lesson plans and feeling bad for not connecting with the process of inputting grades. I would rather be doing something else than driving over here to work after I drop off my son.

I would rather be writing, reading (books and other blogs), coordinating the event of life, booking guests for my radio show, blogging or updating my status on Facebook, Twitter or Myspace and learning songs on the piano to help my son learn them. I learn them and then challenge him to piano duels to keep him encouraged (I love it because it works).

Responsibility however demands that Profession be my priority so that life goes on. Passion however invigorates my spirit. An invigorated spirit has to be lighter than the burensome spirit I feel like I am doomed to carry until I figure this all out and "get it together".

As a 40 year old "Jane of All Trades" what will I do about this....they say that if there is enough FORCE, there will eventually be movement so I am pushing, praying and doing whatever it takes to keep whatever this is moving. I am also summoning the strong but quiet internal forces of strength, courage, patience and wisdom to be my guides for the external forces that will bring about movement toward the passion of what I believe is my calling....

Profession has Passion on the ropes for now, but stay tuned for Passion's next move...

BTW

The eggs have not hatched so we don't yet have baby birds. I am tired of taking care of the birds and the turtle. My son got a pass because he was sick during the break, but he's on punishment with no TV (I am really trying to wean him off so much of it) so he will be stepping up the care of his pets.

Check out my trades...

www.cafepress.com/NextFirstLady2

www.cafepress.com/NextFirstLady

www.cafepress.com/InaugurateObama

www.cafepress.com/ObamaRoad

www.cafepress.com/kaliahklothing2

and radio

www.blogtalkradio.com/djdannak